Dear Diary

I went to a friend’s birthday party this weekend and saw two ladies I don’t get to see that often. We do, however, keep in touch over email and things. Upon seeing these two lovely darlings, they asked me if I knew of the show Sister Wives. I did. Then they proceeded to ask me if I wanted to get married to both of them. Suddenly I felt light headed and overwhelmed. Marriage? Am I ready for this? This was all coming at me so fast. But when my vision finally refocused, I saw in front of me two smokin hot fiances, and I was an engaged man. It was almost like the birthday party was a bachelor party. There was dancing and laughing and loving. We even had engagement photos taken. 
My family hasn’t been very receptive and has completely shunned me. I have been fired from my job and lost most of my friends. But knowing that these sister wives actually want to marry me has been worth the pain, poorness, starvation and exclusion I have faced in the past three days. I’m so glad they weren’t joking and were completely serious about marrying me. I mean…can you imagine if they weren’t?!?!? That would be enough reason to kill myself. Right?? RIGGGGHT??? I WOULD BE HYSTERICAL - if this wasn’t real. I would go absolutely ballistic. 
But fortunately, I now have three fiances who are willing to take care of me like the giant child that I am. No longer will I have to waste my own energy bathing or feeding myself when I have 3 wives who will do those things for me. Livin the dream, baby! Oh and TRUST ME, diary, they are thrilled about it. Hopefully (fingers crossed) they want a no frills courthouse marriage followed by dinner at Golden Coral. I KNOW they’ll love it because we know each other so well. Not emotionally, intellectually or even personally…. but TRUST ME. We know of each other. Like names and stuff. 
And honeymoon? Have you even heard of Chuck E Cheese?? Well pretend like you haven’t because I want it to be a surprise. Unfortunately they’ll have to pay for their own tokens and pizza because I lost my job due to polygamy being frowned upon, but I wouldn’t want to guilt trip them with that would I???!?? Of course not!! 
Oh diary…this will be all of my dreams come true. These three lovely women, whose names I can’t remember but will hear when the judge reads them at the courthouse, are going to be so happy probably. 
I’ll write again soon. 
;)